I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
