is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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