TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my moral compass just broke
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