remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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