Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
