you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
