I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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