it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Too much gin, very little bucket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
