we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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