My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I looked at my own cervix.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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