One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
