It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
