Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I think i peed on brittanys purse

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(206): View more from Washington

Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"

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(971): View more from Oregon

Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard

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(903): View more from Texas

He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him

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(520): View more from Arizona

You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.

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