Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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