i think my mom watched the whole time
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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