they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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