I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
