In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize