dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
