Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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