you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
