I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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