So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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