please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
