She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dating After Heartbreak
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge