I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
