I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
