so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We need to get me chipped asap