The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
