Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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