Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
