I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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