get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
