you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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