i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
