I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
