just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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