It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
