we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pants are for mortals
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
