His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
