Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize