Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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