So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
