Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
