Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
