He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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