i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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