i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
