Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You smell like stripper and shame
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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