You're my little dorito
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize