I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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