no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
