there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
