I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
