I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
