I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
