Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
