Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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