She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
