Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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