I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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