He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize