Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
