yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
