Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
