The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize